#36 - Shahbad Dairy

The other side of DCE can at best be described as rural. The first time I went there was to get a demand draft made to pay the university fees. The road narrows for some distance, and is flanked by markets on both sides, most of the shops in which are chemist shops. Then come the houses, most of which domesticate cows and buffaloes, typical of small towns. Then come the farms and the countryside in vast expanses. Then comes Shahbad Dairy. Shahbad Dairy is not a dairy; it is a bus terminal housing buses that connect Bawana with civilization. Five such buses do this.

1. The 879, which goes to Janakpuri and of which I’ve seen exactly one DTC kind.
2. The 165, which goes to Anand Vihar, mostly privates.
3. The 106, which goes to the Old Delhi railway station, all in DTCs
4. The 140, which goes to Mori Gate and consequently carries 25.18% of Delhi's population.
5. The 123, which goes nowhere in particular, because it doesn’t really exist.

Shahbad Dairy is also where most RTVs emanate from and retire to. They come in two varieties, namely:

1. Those with 12-year-old conductors that go to Wazirpur and persuade even those going in the opposite direction to go to Wazirpur. All are dhoom enabled. For further information on them, refer to ‘How to get to civilization – The RTVs’
   
2. Those with 12-year-old conductors that go to Azadpur and persuade even those going in the opposite direction to go to Azadpur, telling them stories of its advantages. Most are dhoom enabled. Those that are not are chhaiya-chhaiya enabled.

-Rishi-

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Perverts.

# 20 - How to get to civilization

The five most popular ways to get to civilization from Bawana Road are:

1. Drive out. If you’ve got a car with a ton of petrol, there’s nothing like it.
Average times: 5 mins 34 secs to Rithala and 13 mins 49 secs to Wazirpur.

2. Catch a friend driving out. If a friend has a car with a ton of petrol, there’s nothing like it.
Average times: 6 mins 34 secs to Rithala and 14 mins 49 secs to Wazirpur.
The extra minute is usually required for verification of route and destination and arguing that there’s space for exactly one more person when 5 others are already in the car, by suggesting alternate seating arrangements.

3. Hop on aboard the 879. Route 879 runs from Shahbad Dairy to Janakpuri via Madhuban Chowk. It goes through the heart of Rohini and makes it a point to visit its every road and marketplace. This greatly increases travel time. Another very disturbing truth about the 879 is that 99.71 times out of 100 you happen to be unfortunate enough to board it, it’ll be a private bus. The misfortune of boarding a private bus will be explained sometime later in the book. I have seen exactly one DTC 879 till now and the likelihood of that changing is the same as those of our bathroom flush working again.
Average times: 17 mins to Rohini West. Fare Rs. 5/-

4. The RTVs. When you board an RTV, the driver and his partner in crime, the 12-year-old conductor promise you they’ll be fast.

RTV Laws:

A- Stoppage time at any stop is approximately 10 minutes, often converting to a bidi break for the driver…

B- The stoppage time is invariant with the number of people already in the RTV, if there aren’t too many. It increases logarithmically as the number of passengers increases.

C- There is also an unwritten rule stating the conductor must personally persuade all people within a 25.78m radius to board his RTV, even if the angle between their velocity vector and that of the RTV happens to be 180 degrees. Where there is one RTV, there is another on the prowl, waiting to ‘steal’ passengers from the first RTV.

D- If an RTV is threatened by another one encroaching upon its area, they’ll tear through empty roads in a terrific display of sheer racing madness under the false pretext of keeping their promise of being fast. The winner of this short but eventful battle usually boasts of his speed and control to the terrified passengers and then ridicules the loser for having the balls to challenge him.

E- Most RTVs plying in the area are ‘dhoom-enabled’, i.e., when they brake or their indicator flashes, the ‘dhoom’ song starts playing.

Average times: 29 mins to Rithala and 58 mins to Wazirpur. Fare: Rs. 5/- for both.

5. The autos. The best place to take an auto till is Rithala. Bargaining is easy, especially when more than 20 Rs. are asked. It is better to have 3 others along, so that each one can pay a measly sum of Rs 5/. The last one in isn't exactly a rotten egg, but he gets to sit with the driver. Average time: 8 mins to Rithala.

6. The Delhi Metro. This is the best means of transport. What sucks is that only an auto or an RTV can take you to Rithala.

-Rishi-